So, I have recently discovered that I am, in fact, the Messiah of Communism, the Red Savior born into this world to usher in One Global Republic under the Hammer and Sickle. Am I necessary? Totes. Was I asked for? Hard to discern prayers for my coming amongst the din of shovels marring the gray earth and the passionate cries of haggard old women.
But you see, that is the true miracle of the Communist Messiah: you don’t have to ask. Gerald loves the little children.
I imagine the first thing that you are thinking upon being enlightened is “Red Christ!? Where’s you’re proof, young man?”
To which I would reply: “Fuck you! Jesus doesn’t need proof, and being his comrade, neither do I”.
And, lo, My second miracle: despite it’s superfluousness, I actually totally have proof! and it’s all linked to my birthday, which, I mean come on, everyone knows that the date of a person’s birth defines their entire life and being.
Behold my miracle birth: March 6th, 1990.
– 3690 is a 4-digit portion of the ISBN for Joel M. Hoffman’s In the Beginning: A Short History of the Hebrew Language (whole ISBN: 978-0814736906). Hebrew, Messiah, not too much of a stretch there.
Another significant 4-digit portion of the ISBN: 8147, which is the corresponding number in Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible (an index for every word used in the Bible) for the Hebrew word shenayim, meaning “two”. “Two” obviously represents the eternal class struggle between the haves and the have-nots as outlined by Karl Marx.
…phew. Suck My Ass, Robert Langdon.
– Also, a bunch of shit happened on March 6th in years past that basically shows beyond questioning that I’m the Red Shepherd.
1) 1454 – Prussians pledge allegiance to the Polish King in return for aid in their battle for independence in the Thirteen Year’s War. (SUPER-OLD REVOLUCIÓN)
2) 1836 – Rednecks lose after a 13-day struggle against Mexican forces at the Battle of the Alamo in Texas. (THE DEFEAT OF A CAPITALIST COUNTRY=VICTORY FOR THE MOTHERLAND)
3) 1921 – Portuguese Communist Party is founded as the Portuguese Section of the Communist International. (HOLY SHIT THE FORMATION OF A COMMUNIST PARTY ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY VIVA EL CRISTO ROJO)
4) 1946 – Ho Chi Minh signs an agreement with France, recognizing Vietnam as an autonomous state in the Indochinese Federation and the French Union. (COMMUNIST PRESIDENT WINS INDEPENDENCE FOR MOTHERLAND FTW)
5) Georgy Maksimilianovich Malenkov follows after Joseph Stalin in the bitchin’ seat of Premier of the Soviet Union and First Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union. (MALENKOV RISES UP ON MY BIRTHDAY I TOLD YOU SO)
So, ladies and gentlemen, It as I foretold in the blog title (Miracle #3 bitch), I am the Red Savior, destined to bring peace and balance to the Party, to be the top to capitalism’s bottom.
Now: What can you do to worship Me?